The quality of the light is certainly changing...even with sunny days and time spent walking in the mid-day, I am finding those seasonal changes creeping upon me with increasing speed.

Time to start my days with the light box again.....

Preparing for a visit from Irene!

According to reports, the storm will likely be less powerful when it arrives here...BUT there are tall trees near me, and if one falls it could be a problem!!  Also, hard to tell what the utility situation might be (electric, gas, water) if there is damage in the area or region.  Wish I had a camp stove to boil water in case it comes to that....but for now I am filling many jugs and containers with water.

I have sufficient food that needs no cooking nor cooling (nut butters, dried fruit, nuts, canned tuna and manual can opener, powered milk, v-8 juice).......so I know I won't starve!  My electronics are charged up, and I have safe candles which will burn for days safely.

Whatever the outcome, these last few days have given me some changes to make to my inventory so I can be prepared for potential outages.

I am grateful for the conveniences of urban living and public transportation......and I have lost some of the preparedness I practiced when I lived very rurally. Irene has reminded me that some of those practices are doable AND necessary in the city!

Be safe, and help others however you are able!  

Loving life today....

Well to be fair not just today.....and not "loving" some of the challenges that have landed squarely in front of me in the last year....yet on balance, life is good.

Small healthy breakfast at home today, heading to water for a few days to hang with some dear people of all ages....

I am sleeping better in the last week, and the temperature outside my open window is both summery and sweetly cool. It is amazing what good and sufficient sleep will do!

I am finally unpacking more (although still very slowly!!) and deciding what I need for organizing and furniture.

There is much unsure in the perhaps nearer than I would like future....more traveling to provide some help and respite for others, and another relocation is not out of the question. Not what I want (the relo), but what I have wholeheartedly committed to do when it is required.

And with that, have let it go until it is the reality in front of me. I have today to deal with...and love!

Service to others...

Do what you can, when you can...and remember to take care of self too.

That is heavily my life these days.

Wouldn't have thought I could keep this pace and level of demands for as long as it has been....I guess learning I have more stamina at the moment than I thought is a good discovery!

50....

Later today, I will have been breathing the air on this earth for 50 years.

And I will be celebrating that fact for the next 12 months!

I have big and small things I want to do....some are people dependent (closest friend has a hectic day so our casual plans might have to be moved); some are cash dependent (which I am not flush on extra right now with moving, setting up apartment, and traveling for family issues so much in the last 10 months); some are seasonal and won't be possible until the fall.

So, today I will take a long bath and a long walk, write some, and do something small around the home I have been wanting to do but always thinking to start doing when I am too tired or uninspired.  I think it is a good day to set the tone....

I already got wished Happy Birthday today, so I am good! Over the next 12 months I will get some quality time with people I enjoy. How great is that!

9 hours of mellow fun hanging with brother and his family....

On a rainy Saturday we managed to have a few adventures and spend much of it outdoors....safe travels back to New York!

A little people watching...

Last night, I had the chance to people watch.  I mean really watch rather than listen.  I was tucked comfortably in the corner, still feeling the refreshing night air from the open windows. The noise level was not deafening.....more like loud enough to obscure most actual words throughout the room, but not hurtful to my ears. 

Some folks looked like first or fairly new dates; some were clearly reunions (I am sandwiched by the property of two universities, and commencement was a few days ago....); some groups, some one-on-one.

Many conversations (mind you, I mostly cannot hear what is being said) appeared to be a series of monologues. Lack of eye contact by the speaker or listener, "unlistening" body language.... I did see a few people who looked at each other during the mutual exchanges, and from across the room looked in tune.....both present.  Not all of these were romantic seeming pairings, just two people present and connecting......occasionally laughing. The laugh of recognition and appreciation, rather than a mocking laugh after sharing some gossip and putting someone down.

It filled my heart to see that the art of conversation and connection is still practiced...makes me hopeful that finding more such people to populate my world is still possible.

I enjoy and require a fair amount of untethered solo time. I also enjoy and require (as really we all do as humans!) connection.  I cannot practice conversation and connection in a vacuum. I need other people who want to play too!!

Wishing you all at least one really connected relationship, and that you get quality time with that person as regularly as possible.

This quote sums up many current issues....

“Your vision will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakens.


- Carl Jung (1875-1961)

Recovering and settling in....

Still recovering from the emotional whiplash of everything going on around me...and to some extent in me. Lots of musing!.....but little writing here or *anywhere*!  I am really struggling with getting consistant and sufficient sleep at the moment........well really this is not a new issue. With so little sleep, or barely any restorative sleep, I am "foggy-headed" even when awake and moving about in the world. This state doesn't lend itself to writing for various reasons....although this state *does* add to frustration, and a sense of disconnect. 

I am grateful for the feeling of snails' pace movement....because it *is* movement, after all!!

Grateful and frustrated are difficult places to be bouncing rapidly between...... another type of whiplash.

Alleluia!!!

Alleluia! Alleluia! Alleluia!

So *good* to say, sing, hear, feel that Word again!!!!

Blessed Easter Sunday....

Happy 78th, Dad!!

Dear Dad:

Happy Birthday!! And, yes, those roses on the table were cut from the yard just for you!

Love,
me

This time next week...

...I will be heading home.  I've been on an annual "vacation" to family and sunshine. This year I am doing it later than usual, and not so much vacationing as helping. Still, it is a break, and a break from winter/spring in the northeast. 

Life is precious....live what is in front of you. 

Tell people how you feel, and show them too....with pat on the back, hugs.....whatever....

Versions....

I prefer to deal with what is, or the fact that I prefer not to answer or discuss something.  This is probablly one of the few areas that I even resemble "yes or no; black or white" thinking.

I can keep a confidence....and do, for a variety of friends and family. 

Versions of reality, well, I don't have the desire nor energy to remember what the "story" is!  I don't do it anymore in my life, and I really don't want to do it for anyone else.  It doesn't feel good; it's too complicated; it is dishonest, and affects many many relationships. 

A confidence is the feeling or worry or joy you are sharing with me.

A version is a cover story...... parts may be true, and parts may be omitted. That doesn't sound so bad, right?  Well, too much energy, and many people can tell when there is more to the story. Even if they don't question further right then, they walk away with a weird feeling....

I prefer to stick to a responsive answer, or that I am not discussing that subject (whether it be just at this time, or with the questioner).   

I will keep a confidence; *please* don't ask me to get involved in the versions.

Ultimately, everyone involved ends up feeling bad or alienated.

Unpacking and updating on a grey rainy day....

My walk will have to wait until later; the rain is very steady, and my coat is not yet dry from last night's walk.

Perfect opportunity to avoid one thing by doing something else I need to do.....unpacking!  I already have the basics of the kitchen set up, and have been cooking meals at home most of the time.  I first thought that the abundance of interesting restaurants and takeouts in my immediate neighborhood would prolong the time of eating out because it was faster, more comforting, or under the "cost of moving" umbrella.  Luckily for my wallet, I am quite content to cook since I have more counter space than my last apartment.  I will never again live in a place that doesn't have enough counter space OR is without windows in the kitchen! I am loving the light from the 2 windows.

I am also about 25% through my contact list of businesses, friends, and family that need my new info. Little bit everyday is working....

So, on to reclaiming space in the living room as I unpack, unpack, unpack, and find a place for everything!

Muhammara.....oh my!!

Oh my....!!!

I just tasted muhammara.... a roasted red pepper, walnut, and pomegranate meze.  Delicious!!

I have Samira's Homemade brand. Looks similar to a hummus product in texture, and I ate it with torn pieces of some leftover pita bread.

Savory, with a small kick.

I had never heard of it before.  Glad I took the chance and bought some!

Yummmmm....

Snowy day making it easy to stay in and unpack!

Woke up to snow; so today is a good day to keep cozy and use the time to unpack rather than explore the new neighborhood.

Truth is, I spent some of my youth and high school years in this general area either visiting relatives, or living in the next town..... it has changed, and so have the businesses, but it still has a good familiar feel to it. I am so grateful for that feeling and the abundant good memories....  

At last...!

Everything is moved, and tonight is the first night actually sleeping here in the new place.  So relieved, so grateful, so cozy, so quiet......woo hoo!

Sometimes a simple update can calm us...

I have been readying for my move, although much more slowly than is helpful!  And the slowness in more mental than due to any colds or flu.

I got an update a few minutes ago that indicate I might actually have new keys in hand by close of business next Monday!

Even though there are still so many elements NOT pinned down, this news somehow was very calming. Maybe today I will get much more packed (both what I will keep, and what I will donate before the move).

I have several meetings and deadlines in the next few day also competing for my attention and energy. Hopefully I will be able to do just enough on all those issues.

Just enough would be a really great thing right about now.... 

Donations - Phase One

Even in an active snow storm, a truck and 2 guys came to pick up furniture donations!  I had moved everything ready into the hall so the snowy boots wouldn't stain the carpet already in dire need of a good steam cleaning!  The guys were grateful to have a few less steps to take!

I wanted to have kitchen goods, clothes, and books also ready for donation....but didn't manage to get it all done.  Luckily for me, I still have time, and if the donations can be carried by one person, they can schedule to come out with a smaller van and one person.

If all else fails, I can always drop the donations off when I have my moving truck for the big move. 

So, really, no worries....!

Not the same, but still sweet, and enough....

Found out Wednesday that "my" new apartment wouldn't be mine!  Current tenant doesn't have a new place lined up (maybe never did?!?!)!

So, went to see an option that IS available, as the tenants have actually already moved!

No back or front deck.......although some advantages over where I was thinking I was moving! Timing is still targeted to be the same....so that is a huge plus!

So I can hopefully get settled soon without having to settle for just anything. 

Downsizing....

Downsizing my living space (although the next apartment is sweet and just enough, and has a back deck).

Downsizing my household goods via donations.

So, presently doing more actual planning and packing than "musing"!

Hoping for Feb 15th; some parts of coordinating the process are out of my hands. So be it.  I will have my boxes ready to go!

Hollow words....

She said "vicious and mean-spirited"....

If they were even her own thoughts/words, they are at best not really about the present, nor about my action.

They are hollow words, but they still have an echo.

I saw the emotion on her face and in her posture as she left that morning....so real emotion showed up for sure.....this is a good thing.

Yet, how she has that emotion explained/labeled/attributed to an action of mine is not part of any logic nor reality of the present.

Silence was not an option....someday she may see that. Silence was the old way; I told the facts of what happened to me to another person who needed to know so precautions could be taken to rule out a repeat (or worse). I told when it was clear she was going to put others at risk because she "didn't think" anything would happen. I quietly warned her I would be making the call and why.

And I would do it again.

I do not live in the frozen silence anymore. Realizing that for certain is a gift of this experience. I must say, I would have preferred a much less disruptive illustration of that fact...!

Twenty minutes well spent...so many gems here....

Shame, vulnerability, wholeheartedness  (TEDxHouston - Brené Brown)

Isn't it "Seven Swans A-Swimming"?

Isn't it "Seven Swans A-Swimming"?  Must be the after Christmas reductions....



On a river in a city in New England the day after a blizzard 2011....



1/11/2011

Welcome!

Not sure what I will end up doing here; we shall see together. 

I am on the verge of so many changes -- so many shifting ideas, inspiration I need to capture....

So, I birthed this blog!